Contrary to popular belief, some of the oldest things in San Diego can be found outside La Jolla and Del Mar.  One of San Diego’s earliest settlers, Juan Lorenzo Bandini, decided he needed the biggest house in the new city, so in 1829 he made that happen.  The result was a Spanish colonial-style joint with seven rooms, an entrance hall, an enclosed courtyard, a corral, and several sheds and barns for his sprawling family of 4.  I would also imagine he either had horses or his wife resembled Sarah Jessica Parker.  In 1869, Bandini’s house became the Cosmopolitan Hotel.  Then in 1900 it was an olive canning factory until 1928 when Bandini’s Grandson bought it and restored it, not to his Grandfather’s vision of a comfortable family home but back to the much more profitable Cosmopolitan Hotel complete with modern amenities such as wired electricity, gas and Wifi.  Now the building remains one of the oldest standing structures in the city and it really is beautiful.  My friends and I had to take a foot tour after dinner and I highly recommend you do the same.  Though purportedly haunted, no ghosts joined us for dinner to regail us with tawdry tales from the olive canning industry.

Speaking of tawdry, joining me for dinner were:

Abby–Swim instructor, Disneyland buddy, Stresses about making food for my other food-savvy friends

Aimee-Roommate since the 90’s, BFF, allergic to hot dogs and therefore labeled a commie by many

Amy-Vegetarian Belle, Author, Event Planner

Durwood-Best friend, comedian, San Diego’s go-to young black non-singing actor

Harry-Wise guy, master of the grill, loves camping for some reason

We ain’t afraid of no ghosts. Just keep the drinks coming.

One of the best parts to the Cosmopolitan is it’s outdoor bar.  Amy enjoyed a glass of Gainey Riesling, which she called “Delicious, sweet without being too sweet and lots of fruit”.  The bartender was fun and the happy hour looked cool.  We were soon led in to the dining room.  We had lots of time to enjoy the decor as we were the only table in it.  It gave the whole affair an eerie feel.

Private dining room! Just us, our server and a painting of a lion that looks like Hal Holbrook!

The Cosmopolitan is big and impressive but it is with great sadness that I deliver the bad news:

This was the worst meal I’ve had since starting this challenge.

I feel terrible about this because I wanted so badly to like it.  I’m speaking specifically of my main course, but we’ll get to that in a moment.  Abby ordered the “Biggest Toad in the Puddle”; Buffalo Trace Bourbon, Triple Sec, Lime juice & Cherry Bitters.  It was good but so not my thing.  A lot of the drinks at The Cosmopolitan stay away from sweetness, which I love.  Amy ordered the Pineapple Mint Cosmo (The special Cosmo of the month) which said was “Delicious and refreshing without being too sweet”.  Aimee ordered a “Razzmapolitan”; Chambord, Vodka, Lime juice, cranberry & mixed seasonal berries.  She said it was excellent.  The bar overall got high marks from us.  They pour heavy, use quality booze and the value is good.

In place of rolls, The Cosmopolitan provides “Cheese Puffs” with fig butter.  They were light and warm.  A great mix of salty and sweet.  For appetizers,   Aimee ordered the Kung Pao Calamari, which she really enjoyed.  Great sauce and most of all, they fry up and serve the entire squid bodies, which is unusual.   Amy had the Rustico bruschetta, with herbed goat cheese and chimmichurri sauce.  This sauce was the highlight of the whole dish for Amy.   Abby had the Braised Pork Cheeks.  With caramelized onions, crispy onions and a merlot reduction.   She enjoyed the almost beef wellington-ish style of the cooking.   For my appetizer, I ordered the Ahi Lettuce Cups with ginger, julienne vegetables, garlic in baby iceberg lettuce cups.  I found it refreshing and zesty but nothing Earth shattering.  The jalapenos on top were a bit much.

Enjoy. It’s down hill from here…

Amy took another one for the team and had another cocktail, purely in the interest of journalistic thoroughness.  She ordered the The Stagecoach Smash; bourbon, honey, ginger beer, fruit and champagne.  She said it was delicious.   Dinner held much promise as many of the things on the Cosmopolitan’s menu sounded super yummy.  Chief among them was what Aimee and Durwood both had; Fried Chicken and churros with bacon jalapeno infused maple syrup.   While this sounds like heaven, the result was less than Godly.  The plate comes with different cuts of chicken.  Aimee’s plate had a breast, wing and drumstick.  She said the breast was really good but the wing & drumstick were both dry.  The syrup was not overpowering and the churros (served trapped under the chicken) were good but she couldn’t enjoy them together.   Durwood gave the dish high marks for concept but came to the conclusion that the chicken was not home made but frozen.  I trust him because those people know their fried chicken.  By “those people”, I of course mean Southerners.   He also found himself wanting more syrup.  His dinner included a thigh but no breast.  This launched us into a very long discussion about how odd it is, on the part of the restaurant, to not include the same cuts on the same dish.

Abby had the homemade gnocchi with pan seared scallops, cherry tomatoes, asparagus and chimichurri sauce.  She loved the light char on the gnocchi and said the scallops were tender, buttery and perfectly cooked.  The chimichurri sauce added a great fresh element.  Amy ordered the promising grilled peach and strawberry salad with roasted almonds, a fried goat cheese ball and raspberry vinaigrette.  While Amy said the peaches were delicious, the goat cheese was best and necessary to cut the sweetness of the strawberries and the dressing.  She found the salad very unbalanced.  While it wasn’t bad in her estimation, she wouldn’t order it again.

Harry had the espresso braised short ribs with pan-fried garlic brussels sprouts, herbed marble potato and natural au jus.  He praised the meat for being perfectly fork tender with an added bonus of nostalgia, as the flavor of it brought him back to the beef jerky his Dad used to make.   Side dishes that we shared included a greasy cornbread and crispy brussels sprouts with a balsamic glaze and goat cheese, which was everyone’s absolute favorite.

For my dinner, I had the herb crusted pork chop with confit baby red potatoes, sauteed spinach, edamame succotash, roasted corn and a taragon cream sauce.  Everything about it was awful.  Everything.  The succotash was mostly mushy black beans, there was barely any corn on the plate.  The “baby potatoes” were cooked whole and about the size of two baseballs.  The breading on the pork chop was absolutely flavorless.  The cut of meat was awful; fatty, overcooked and completely bland.  It was a horrible mesh of luke warm crispy, chewy, mushy, muddled mess on a plate.  Total disappointment.

You had one job, dinner. That job was to be delicious. You have failed.

I wanted to order dessert, because really, for me, there was no place to from here but up.  Amy ordered the seasonal berry cobbler.  It’s huge and it has to be ordered a la mode due to the tartness and the fact that it’s served at a temperature to rival the inside of an active volcano.  We also shared the caramelized banana cheesecake, which we all found a little weird.  It wasn’t particularly sweet but the caramelized banana was tasty.   Aimee, Durwood and I all ordered the fried ice cream.  A cool concept but the reality isn’t as impressive.  It’s a baseball-sized ball of vanilla ice cream that just tastes like it’s coated in granola.  Not a high note to end on.

My dessert and the thing that made Durwood the 2nd most overdressed thing at our table.

So, to be fair, while my dinner was horrible, the reviews from everyone else were not as bad.  I’m not saying I would never go back to the Cosmopolitan but aside from the historical interest, solid service, friendly staff and good outdoor bar, I can’t imagine I’ll be headed back there any time soon.

Further reading: http://oldtowncosmopolitan.com/restaurant.html