Tag Archives: burgers

The Friendly

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Something that I feel is missing from a lot of popular food culture is the art of simplicity.  I’m not a fan of food gimmicks, particularly when it comes to burgers.  I’m sure you’ve all seen the clips and pics of some obnoxiously huge burger with 12 patties, a bowl of pasta, a brick of cheese, a shrimp po boy, a whole live mackerel and an original vinyl pressing of De La Soul’s “Three Feet High and Rising” on it.  It’s 17 pounds, 3 feet tall and needs to be carried by 4 servers, the last of whom presents the table with a release of liability form for you to sign. It’s giving unmistakable dark flavortown vibes, for like $60.   I know you know this burger.  Aside from the fact that these are often absolutely disgusting they are also always wildly impractical.  And that’s the part that bothers me the most.  It can’t be picked up.  How do you even get at that thing?!  Am I supposed to unhinge my jaw like a python? The taste of it is secondary to giving you something to blow up ‘the Gram’ (That’s what the kids call Instagram.  It’s also what I used to call my Maternal Grandmother, so I’m hosting a terrifying buffet of mental images right now after writing that).  None of these ridiculous toppings are bringing anything to the party flavor-wise.  The taste of this thing people are meant to eat has become irrelevant.  Lost in a gimmick gone too far.  I say no thank you.

The competition for “best burger” is fierce everywhere and San Diego is no different.  There’s no accounting for taste but you bring up things like best taco?  Best Ramen?  Best burger?  Them’s fightin’ words.  Opinions will be shouted, emotions will flare, friendships and marriages will be irreparably damaged.  People are serious about this shit.  San Diego has some serious contenders for ‘best burger’ but I knew as soon as I came back for this series that only one place stood out from the crowd enough to warrant a feature.  What’s that you say? Anthony, you can’t cover a place you’ve already been to!” This here is a new Boy Who Ate San Diego, gentle reader.  As part of this series, I’m highlighting some of the “Icons” of San Diego.  Places that have been around for a minute and I’m exploring why.

The Friendly on 30th (There are 3 locations in town) is, by definition, a pizzeria but my favorite thing to order at this pizzeria is actually the Dirty Flat Top Cheeseburger.  Butter braised onions, American cheese, garlic aioli.  That’s literally it.  Simple.  Life changingly delicious.  It’s almost too simple.  It almost gives “House Burger” (A little something for you Gen X Eddie Murphy fans) except that it’s deliciousness will have you thinking about this burger for days after you eat it.  At least that’s my experience with it.  But it’s more than a burger and a slice of pizza.  There’s an experience to it.

I was in a production of the musical “The Full Monty” last Summer.  After a performance attended by my inner circle, we were in search of after show eats and one of the only things open after 11pm (Do not get me started on this city’s ability to pull in the sidewalks by 9pm) was The Friendly on 30th.  I’d had their burger before when my work crush brought me one a few years ago.  But I needed to be sure that the euphoria I felt eating this burger wasn’t just the feeling I got when I looked in his dreamy popsicle blue eyes and melted in the presence of his irresistible troublemaker smile into that usual chokehold that unattainable straight boys had me in for most of the 90’s.  I needed a second go at this burger with a clear, less horny mind.  This was that chance and, friends, lightning struck twice with this glorious burger.

Returning to the scene of the crime with me were some of my most trustworthy burger and beer lovers:

Dan-Lawful pirate, metal lover, can tell you everything about a great beer.  And he will.

Joseph-Music educator, loves just about every food I won’t touch, masterclass Dad joker

Chris-Attorney, lifelong food snob, loves sandwiches.  Like, a lot.

Anna-Canadian Goddess, Theatre dresser, puppet builder

Joe-Theatre and beer enthusiast, podcast co-host, TikTok Dad

I don’t know how but this picture manages to give indie band, brewery founders and coffee house staff all at the same time. 

I tried my best to not let my all-consuming obsession with this burger cloud the fact that I was here to give readers an overview of the whole experience of The Friendly.  And, let me be clear here, it is an experience.   Seating inside is limited, there’s one small bathroom.  There is always a line out the door.  Not the place for a sit down meal.  We almost always get our food and gather outside on the sidewalk and enter into a collective food coma under the white hot fluorescent lights and painted signage on the window.  Menu alterations (especially in regards to the burger) are not allowed.  I honestly go back and forth about my feelings on that.  On the one hand, I applaud the unwillingness to alter the experience.  After all, I don’t know that I would have ever thought to order a burger this way so it kinda forced me to experience something I now love.  On the other hand, the unwillingness to modify excluded all of our usual suspects who can’t eat gluten (most notably, my partner).  Also, as Chris astutely pointed out, there’s also no ketchup and no fries.  I don’t know that I would’ve been sold on coming here, had I not had the burger first.

The Friendly offers pizza by the slice.  I’m no aficionado and I’m SURE some stranger in the comment section will set me straight if I’m incorrect but I would most closely compare The Friendly’s pizza to New York Style.  I’m one of those rare people who equally loves New York and Chicago style pizza, which often gets me strange looks from folks who have chosen their side in the battle of the only two cities on Earth that make pizza.  The Friendly’s attitude is well reflected in every aspect of their menu, down to the pizza names.  Both mine and Joseph’s first slice was the Dr. Green Thumb (Garlic, Spinach, Red bell Pepper, Mushrooms, Red Onion and Artichoke Hearts).  Were it not for the fake cheese, I would’ve ordered a slice of Did I Tell You I’m A Vegan based on the name alone because HA!  Really tender crust, the artichokes added the perfect amount of tang without overpowering the whole slice.  Ratio of sauce to toppings was on point.  Joseph enjoyed the large chunks of garlic and balance of veggies.

My favorite Friendly slice (The Becky: White Pizza, mushrooms and ricotta) was out for the night, likely watching a rom com or having a meet cute at a café.  I instead chose for my second slice, the Michael Cane Italian Job (Not The Marky Mark Version) (BTW, that’s the actual full name of the pizza, parenthetical diss and all).  White Pizza with Ricotta, Red Bell Pepper, Garlic and Sausage.  I was happy to see this slice didn’t have pepperoni, which I hate.  I know, an Italian who hates pepperoni.  Sacrilege! One of many ways I’m a colossal disappointment to my family.  The ricotta was creamy and was sliced thin enough to keep from weighing the slice down.  The garlic and sausage played well off each other and the crust on this one was also tender and toothsome.  Good stuff.

I resisted suggestions to smash them together into one giant slice because I am not a competitive eater or an anarchist. 

Now that I was a good boy and ate my pizza it was time for my reward:  The Dirty Flat Top Cheeseburger.  I don’t know why it works so well!  The grill they make them on like a little assembly line looks like it’s clean and totally up to food grade but tastes like it hasn’t been cleaned since 1961 and I mean that as the highest possible praise.  I would never order American Cheese on anything!  But for some reason, this yellow slice just becomes creamy, velvety and perfect atop this burger patty.  The butter braised onions bring in sweet and smoky elements and the garlic aioli ties it all together like a symphony.  I loved it so much, I didn’t even care when I thought it was mayonnaise!  Some folks ordered two burgers and while I respect the dedication, I can barely get through one of these, so I savor it.  25-year-old Anthony would be crushing these in 3’s like full sized sliders (which, admittedly, might prevent the existence of present day Anthony but I digress).  Joseph praised both the crust on the bun and the crust on the burger.  He points out that he really can’t name another $7 burger that rivals the comfort and full flavor of the dirty flat top. 

About to risk it all for my cheesy, salty, greasy Roman Empire.

Chris really hit the nail on the head when he compared The Friendly to an immobile food truck.  He praised the burger’s taste, texture and mild greasiness (in the way good burgers are allowed to be).  He rated the pizza slices “as good a slice as you’re going to find in San Diego”. 

Dan had the Meat Lover’s pizza (which I’m sure had some other smart ass name on the menu board).  While many pizza places can go easily overboard on their meaty toppings, he enjoyed that The Friendly was smart about their balance.  No topping dominated any other.  While he usually a fan of the burger, he mentioned it tasting saltier when he’s sober as opposed to other occasions.  I want to point out here that multiple people in our dining crew said this place would be perfect to show up to drunk.  I’m not encouraging that you get sloshed before going to The Friendly but if you do, please do so safely on foot, call an Uber or a friend who owes you a favor (Don’t get me started on San Diego’s lack of public transport) But it was still delicious for him.  He recommends (and so do I) making a late night weekend trip to The Friendly after having a few beers up the street at Fall Brewing Company.  The vibe is festive and must be seen to be believed. 

And speaking of beer, Dan continues his role in my life as “beer hero” bringing his love and expertise of the sudsy devil to my table.  The Friendly offers Tecate, with a dollar off if you shotgun the can.  Dan did the thing because who doesn’t love a dollar off? He proudly boasts missing his shirt and only getting a few drops on the counter.  Chris was not as lucky with his but we still love him.

I absolutely loved Anna’s description of The Friendly in North Park as a “pause two thirds of the way through a bar crawl for a fever dream of a cheeseburger.”  That made me Kermit nod, IYKYK.  She mentioned it’s the type of delicious burger that tastes better after at least 3 drinks.  I’m sure she’s right.  It almost makes me want to like beer.  Almost.  I honestly would risk it all for this damned burger.  Anna’s slice of pizza included ricotta (which she describes as the cat nip of the cheese world), pepperoni and mushrooms.  She said it was solid and praised it’s ability to be folded without fuss, which proves to me that she has spent enough time around New York actors because no Canadian I know would eat pizza like that.  Also, Anna is not Canadian.  Moving on.

As Anna lacks the ability to shotgun beer (leaving that to her Husband, Dan) she did enjoy a refreshing Topo Chico Sparkling Water.  I will say the only thing I don’t love about this place is the lack of drink options for the non-beer crowd.  I usually just have bottled water because Mexican Coke is a real bad choice for me (cut to the glowing ghost of Wilfred Brimley giving me a Kermit nod, IYKYK)

I will conclude this review in a way that will not at all shock you.  It’s all about the burger (which is available in other iterations at The Friendly’s other two locations in town, but you gotta start with the dirty flat top) but the pizza is also pretty great.  The vibe is humorous with a smart ass charm.  The folks working behind the counter perfectly reflect that vibe also.  On some nights, you can buy a round of Tecate for the staff.  It’s a party and one I always enjoy getting to attend.  Also, The Friendly on 30th is located walking distance from multiple options for drinks and dessert.  Grab your friends and make a night of it.  And tell the burger I love it and I can’t wait for it to meet my lips again soon. 

Check out my YouTube Channel for this episode! https://www.youtube.com/@TheBoyWhoAteSanDiego

Check out the deep dive podcast for this episode! https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-6in9k-1541798

Further Reading: https://www.yelp.com/biz/the-friendly-san-diego

Foster’s Freeze (50 of 52)

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On a chilly jet black night, we stood motionless on the cold concrete staring up at the structure before us.  Our faces illuminated by the giant neon sign pulling us forward like a beacon in the darkness.  Tomy walked up behind me and asked with more fear in his voice that I can ever remember hearing; “Where are we?”  It was as though we’d stepped into a time machine and waiting to greet us when we stepped out of our Delorean, was this week’s restaurant, Foster’s Freeze.  Thankfully, I packed my tardis full of cohorts who both love fast food and appreciate references I make about British TV shows that I don’t actually watch…

Aimee-Roommate since the 90’s, BFF, allergic to hot dogs and therefore labeled a commie by many

David-Technical writer, singer, robot super villain

Durwood-Best friend, comedian, San Diego’s go-to young black non-singing actor

Dylan-The newest addition, the 2014 model.  A Kate & Joe production.

Joe-Theatre and beer enthusiast, podcast co-host, Co-Creator of World’s Cutest Baby

Joe “Bish”-Computer wunderkind, Husband of Kate, a tall drink of water

Kasey-Rocky Horror performer, Coffee wife,  Occasional Drag King

Kate-Costume designer, Comedian, Once starred in a church rap video

Lily-World’s Cutest Baby (a Joe & Nicole production)

Nicole-Stage Manager, Cupcake diva, Co-Creator of World’s Cutest Baby

Sebastian-The coolest kid in Kindergarten.  A Kate & Joe production.

Tomy-Fashionista, Rocky Horror performer, an original Kathryn

Not pictured: Jack and Diane who are outside sucking on chili dogs.

Not pictured: Jack and Diane who are outside sucking on chili dogs.

Foster’s Freeze is a Southern California institution.  Calling itself “California’s first fast food chain”, Foster’s Freeze began as an Inglewood-based soft serve cone place that branched out into other foods and has been a staple since 1946, making it the second oldest SoCal relic that I’ve seen in person! I was really unsure what to expect. I mean, this wasn’t exactly snooty upper crust dining but I can’t imagine you last that long in the food service game without bringing something good to the table.  Besides, I’m no snob and I love a good burger.  Let’s do this.

For dinner, Joe ordered the Big Boss (with Swiss and American cheeses, bacon, onion rings, lettuce, pickles, tomato and Foster’s Special Sauce).  He expected the burger quality to be on par with a Dairy Queen/A&W type place and he got it.  He also loved the crinkle cut fries on the side.  Tomy also ordered the Big Boss minus Onions, tomato & pickles.  While he appreciated the thick cut condiments, he felt the meat was a bit on the chincy side for such a big burger.  He also liked his waffles fries and the fact that they have Diet Dr. Pepper on tap was a plus for Tomy.  David got the Double Cheeseburger with crinkle cut fries, which he said was a nice departure from the standard fast food fries.  He also really liked that the soda machine was well stocked with ice.  Like, he mentioned it twice.

Aimee ordered the Patty Melt with Onion Rings and a chocolate milkshake.  She was delightfully surprised to see they used traditional rye bread and thought it was a great value for $4.99.  She also enjoyed the onion rings because the passed the “Onion Ring test” (With a single bite, the onion did not come out of the breading).  She also gave high marks to the milkshake’s flavor and the fact that she didn’t pull a lung trying to drink it with a straw.  Kate had the Double Old fashioned with chili fries and a root beer.  She really enjoyed the burger and felt it was well proportioned with the amount of toppings.  She added that the chili fries were FOR REAL.  Sebastian had the corn dog and was very enthusiastic about it.

Kasey got the double cheese burger with a root beer float.  She like so many others praised the amount of toppings.  She also enjoyed the amount of ice cream used in her root beer float.  Joe B had possibly the best review of his meal in saying “Never has 1600 calories tasted so good!”  He also praised the amount of pickles included on his Big Boss Burger.  I had the Double Decker with Waffle Fries.  I have to say I was unsure what my experience of dining her was going to be like but I have to be honest: This is was damned delicious.  It was big, messy and full of flavor.  Loaded with toppings and well made.  A great value.  The waffle fries were also terrific.  A hugely satisfying meal.

I've paid up to 8 bucks for burgers like this elsewhere. That was stupid of me...

I’ve paid up to 8 bucks for burgers like this elsewhere. That was stupid of me…

I could’ve gotten a milkshake with my burger but I wanted to do a proper dessert so I went back and ordered a mud pie twister.  One of my favorite desserts is a mud pie.  My Mom would always make it for Thanksgiving when I was growing up so it both hugs and feeds my inner fat kid.  This dessert delivered the flavor perfectly and just as remember it.  A home run.

Not gonna lie. Googling "Mud Pie" for a recipe link made me very afraid of what results might come up. Fortunately, my imagination was far more perverse than the internet, for a change.

Not gonna lie. Googling “Mud Pie” for a recipe link made me very afraid of what results might come up. Fortunately, my imagination was far more perverse than the internet, for a change.

So I have to say this was one of the biggest surprises of the challenge.  I really loved Foster’s Freeze and would come back as soon as possible to get my fast food on.

 

Further reading

The Neighborhood (22 of 52)

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One of the coolest things about San Diego’s bid to become one of the premiere food destinations is the number of super trendy eateries that have sprung up in our most touristy spots.  As downtown San Diego is the hub of our tourism, it seems only fitting that so many of them should be located there.  It was also kind of funny that just a day or two before my friends and I hit up this week’s restaurant,  this meme had been making the rounds on the interwebs.  That is not to say that The Neighborhood meets the criteria of that list but in all honesty, it walks a fine line. Joining me to find out just how fine that line is were the following usual suspects:

Aimee–Roommate since the 90’s, BFF, allergic to hot dogs and therefore labeled a commie by many

Amy B-Vegetarian Belle, Author, Event Planner

Amy J-Rocky Horror performer, Michigan football loyalist, a common floozy

Brad-Rocky Horror performer, Fluent in most nerdisms, Still thinks Miley Cyrus is sexy

Chris-Attorney, lifelong food snob, loves good Scotch and gay jeans

Joey-Future music professor, Sazerac drinker, makes a mean cup of coffee

Kate-Costume designer, Comedian, Once starred in a church rap video

Kelsey-Project manager, Advanced level foodie, Has been known to drop it like it’s hot after a few cocktails

Ky-Rocky Horror performer, Disneyland enthusiast, Roommate of Brad

The people that you meet each day

The people that you meet each day

If you enjoy beer and spirits, you might actually believe you’ve died and gone to heaven at The Neighborhood.  Their beer and bourbon list reads like a damn phone book.  Of course, if you’re a vodka lover, your application to heaven has been denied and you’ll soon to get meet your new roommate, Satan.  Because you’re in Hell.  For reasons not made terribly clear, there’s two things you will NOT find inside this place:  Vodka or Ketchup.  There’s a nice blurb in the menu about the aversion to the red stuff but the vodka ban remains a mystery.  Speaking of mystery, there’s also a secret locked deep inside the Neighborhood.  The Noble Experiment is a speakeasy with a secret door.  We didn’t go in there because they don’t serve food and that’s really the point of this here blog but since we’re super besties, here’s a look inside.  Cool right?

Meanwhile, back in the commoner section of the Neighborhood, we attacked the drink menu with gusto!  Amy B had a few beers, among them the Mikkeller Brettanomyces Bruxellensis (SOLD AMERICAN!) Wild Ale series 2.0/Beer 1, the Allagash Victor and the Allagash Odyssey.  Amy J had the Mezcal (a smoky tequila).  Chris ordered the Duchesse de Bourgogne Flanders Red Ale from Brouwerji Verhaege.  It’s worth noting that he asked me to try it and I didn’t find it completely disgusting.  Considering my well documented hatred of beer, that’s kind of a big deal.  Kate had the non-alcoholic Fentiman’s Ginger Lemonade.  Brad had the Jolly Pumpkin Chestnut Porter and the Almanac Doghatch Strawberry Sour Ale, the latter of which I tried and got me right back on track with my choice to live beer-free.  Yuck.

We ordered some small plates to start with.  Joey & Brad both ordered the Fried Chicken Deviled Eggs.  Brad found them to be pretty good but nothing special.  Joey found a pleasing slight acidity in the dish and good seasoning in the yolks.  He felt the chicken got a bit lost in the egg but it provides an interesting textural contrast.  Amy B had the pickle plate: Bread & Butter pickles, pickled cucumber and pickled green beans.   She proclaimed the dish quite good with so many different flavors and herbiness in each pickle; a refreshing start.  Amy J had the Cheese Sampler: Point Reyes Bleu, Koko’s Netherlands Cow with coconut & Vlaskas Holland Cow served with Almonds, Honey and Cranberries.   She enjoyed the good size of the plate and the good cheeses offered.  Chris went a bit further and said the Vlaskas Holland Cow was one of the best cheeses he’s ever had!  Aimee and Chris both ordered the Chorizo Corn Dogs served with mustard seed aioli and smoke chipotle.  Aimee found them very tasty with a nice spice and just the right amount of breading.  The mustard aioli was her favorite sauce and she gave the dish high marks for presentation.  Chris was less in love with the portions of the dish.  Kate ordered the Pink Salt Deviled Eggs.  She found them to be spicy (in a good way) but a bit over priced for the portions, which is an opinion not unheard of in this challenge.  Kelsey had the Goat Cheese Balls with tomato sauce.  She found them really rich and good.  I tried them and completely agree.  Crispy, creamy and savory; a winner.  I ordered the Neighbor’s Chicken Nuggets with Sweet & Sour Mango sauce, Cranberry Sauce and Habanero Aioli/Lemon BBQ sauce.   The real star of this dish was the sauces.  Lots of bold flavors that complimented what was basically popcorn chicken pieces.  I enjoyed it but was left wondering what the dish was really without the sauces in the equation?

Neighborhood chcken

I resisted the very strong urge to toss a piece of chicken in the air, catch it in my mouth, say “Proper” and take the stage with my 4,356 back up dancers to perform “Addams Groove”.

For our main dishes,   Aimee and Brad both ordered the “Local Animal”:Polish sausage and braised pork with a fried egg, mustard and molasses glaze with arugula.  Brad loved the runny egg and said the dish was perfectly spiced with the glaze being the real stand out.   Aimee also enjoyed it but didn’t understand the inclusion of the egg.  She also called the glaze the best part.  Joey had the butter poached black mussels with braised leeks, grilled toast points and spicy flakes.  He found the fume a bit aggressive on the acidity at first but warmed to it throughout the meal.  The mussles themselves Joey found tender and delicious but thought the arugula seemed like a bit of a throw away in the quantity given.  Not dressed enough for a salad but too much for a garnish.  Amy B ordered the Fork & Knife Veggie Sandwich with grilled asparagus, hummus, oven dried tomato and burratta on sour dough.   She found the dish hit and miss.  A hit in the delicious flavors but a miss in the rough, chewy and flavorless ends of the asparagus left on.

Amy J had the Beet Burger with spinach, hummus and swiss cheese.  Amy really liked the burger and advises potential diners to not be scared of the bright pinkness of the patty (it actually looks like an uncooked beef patty, which made watching a vegetarian eat it all kinds of hilarious).  The burger is not overly beety.  I found it tasted a bit like falafel, which I’m totally okay with.  Kate had the spicy cajun rubbed burger and added some mixed greens.  Her burger came up a bit too rare for her to eat (She’s any-minute-now-level pregnant) but Chris stepped in a proxy taster.  He found the patty decently prepared but without a lot of cajun flavor to it.  Kate also had an order of sweet potato fries which she said were “The shit” that personified her love of pub food forged years ago in England.  Chris echoes that, calling the fries taste and texture outstanding.  Ky ordered the Jalapeno Mac & Cheese and the Grilled Cheese: Pepper Jack and american cheddar with tomatoes, Amish loaf and roasted tomato bisque.  She enjoyed the many different levels of spice in the mac and cheese.  I tried it and it did have some great kick to it.  Ky would later tell me that this was the dish at medium heat level.  She found the grilled cheese, which is actually TWO sandwiches, to be pretty standard with a good soup.  Kelsey and I both ordered the Neighborhood Burger with caramelized onion, blue and gruyere cheeses and arugula.   While Kelsey found the burger to be nothing special, I was a slightly bigger fan of it.  The patty was juicy, flavorful and the arugula added a really nice flavor and texture.  What neither of us were feeling were the Kennebec fries with garlic aioli.  Again, great sauce but the texture of these fries were straight up freeze dried.  They reminded me of the potato stick snacks I ate as a kid.  Kelsey felt the difference was strong enough to warrant calling them “fries” at all a bit of a misnomer.

So I was stupid and didn't get a picture of my burger. This photo comes from Food Smackdown.com. My apologies to them for any food blog etiquette breach incurred herein.

So I was stupid and didn’t get a picture of my burger. This photo comes from Food Smackdown.com. My apologies to them for any food blog etiquette breach incurred herein.

The dessert menu at The Neighborhood is small but I had to try it.  A few of us had the apple pie that was brought in direct from The Neighborhood’s Sister restaurant, Soda and Swine (which I’ve been to and is lovely).  The pie was pretty standard.  I prefer a thicker cut apple filling to the more traditional thin sliced that was served but the flavors were on point.  Aimee was a little tougher on the dish.  She found it lackluster with a bland crust.  She reinforced her point by adding that if a restaurant offers only one dessert on it’s menu, it needs to be spectacular.

Neighborhood apple pie

Some folks at the table lamented that they would’ve enjoyed a slice of sharp cheddar cheese on top of this. I lamented that I have really weird friends.

So overall I found the Neighborhood to be big on style with a mostly solid menu.  The staff was great.  Our server Matt was dashing, helpful and yes, bearded.   Another thing most folks enjoyed were the home made chips that came with some of the dishes (Kelsey and I went amiss in ordering fries in place of these).  Some also pointed out a negative in charging $2.50 for a can of soda with no refills but my thinking is, in a place like this, you most likely are not there to drink Diet Coke but to enjoy a whiskey flight (Yes, they do that).  I say try it out.  There’s lots of character to this place and it’s a cool place to have lunch or dinner.

Further reading: http://www.neighborhoodsd.com/hood/

You can see pictures of all the dishes listed in this review by checking out The Boy Who Ate San Diego on Instagram!

Slater’s 50/50 (11 of 52)

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Of all the places in this challenge so far, Slater’s 50/50 has the been the place that the largest number of my friends and associates were shocked to learn I’d never been to.  The intonation in their disbelief was similar to when I tell people I’ve never been outside the United States and they say “You’ve never been to Mexico?!” as though I had been there before but just refused to acknowledge it as a separate country.  With so many of my friends familiar with Slater’s I came armed with a lot of knowledge and unsolicited opinions with which to guide the small army of friends I showed up with:

Aimee-Roommate since the 90’s, BFF, allergic to hot dogs and therefore labeled a commie by many

Anna-Educator, flannel wearer, still mad at us for going to Snooze without her

Brad-Rocky Horror performer, Fluent in most nerdisms, Still thinks Miley Cyrus is sexy

David-Technical writer, singer, robot super villian

Joe-Theatre and beer enthusiast, podcast co-host, Co-Creator of World’s Cutest Baby

Joe “Bish”-Computer wunderkind, Husband of Kate, a tall drink of water

Kate-Costume designer, Comedian, Once starred in a church rap video

Ky-Rocky Horror performer, Disneyland enthusiast, Roommate of Brad

Lily-World’s Cutest Baby (a Joe & Nicole production)

Mandy-Writer, Top-shelf level geek girl, lives in my pocket

Matt-My co-star in “Five Course Love”, Runner, Lover of beer

Stephanie-Blogger, runner, fellow Disneyland enthusiast

Tomy-Fashionista, Rocky Horror performer, an original Kathryn

Image

If there were a dozen or so fewer of us you could see the giant bronze burger we are standing in front of.

The namesake burger of Slater’s 50/50 is crafted with 50% beef and 50% Bacon.  Yeah,  BACON. This, to me, was equal parts seductive and terrifying at the same time.  It’s like if  Bradley Cooper and Betty White put out a sex tape.  Among the other bold and awesome factors to Slater’s was the fact that they boast over 100 microbrews on tap.  I don’t even like beer and i’m impressed!  Among some of the beers ordered were Matt’s Deschutes Mirror Pond Pale Ale & Stephanie’s Latitude 33, which they both loved.  Slater’s also offers the opportunity to create and name your own burger, which several folks opted to do.  As for me, I felt crafting my own burger wouldn’t really be giving Slater’s a fair shake at seeing what they offer from their menu so I went with the “World’s Greatest Turkey Burger”.  It’s topped with smoked gouda, baby greens, red onions, a portobello mushroom cap and creamy pesto sauce on a honey wheat bun.  When it arrived, I learned the other trademark of Slater’s 50/50:  Cartoonishly large food.

I now know what it's like to have a sloppy make-out session with Audrey II.

I now know what it’s like to have a sloppy make-out session with Audrey II.

While there was much confusion with exactly how I was supposed to eat this, I made do.  I took at least 2 bites before asking our server for a shovel and a rake.  This was a damn tasty burger.  Well cooked and juicy.  The gouda added a great sharpness and the honey wheat bun was a really nice change up from the usual sesame seed buns I eat at McDonald’s  other fine establishments.

Our appetizers and main courses arrived at the same time, not that I’m complaining.  It was all going to the same place:  the stomachs of 14 ambitious burger lovers.  I ordered a combo plate of Fried Mac & Cheese Balls with Tapatio Ranch and Beer Bettered Jalapenos with cilantro Lime sour cream.  Enormous, fried, soul-hugging goodness.

Sized for sharing.  with a baseball team.

Sized for sharing.  with a baseball team.

Naturally, with so much food I was going to need to wash it all down somehow.  Enter the Almond Joy Milkshake!  The selection of Milkshakes at Slater’s 50/50 is redonk like whoa (meant in the best possible way).  I took the most time deciding what kind I wanted.   When you’re a late 30’s Diabetic, drinking ALL of them isn’t an option anymore so you pick and choose your moments with the utmost care.  It was of course, the best sex you’ve ever had served in ice cream form.

Aimee had the Graceland Milkshake (Peanut butter and banana, RIP king) and the Frito’s Crunch Burger, ground beef patty topped with melted cheddar cheese, house made chili, Fritos and 1000 island dressing on white brioche.  She said the burger was really good with a nice, but controlled spice on the chili.  Anna and Joe both ordered the B’B’B’ Bacon Burger, the lauded 50/50 patty with bacon American cheese, sunny side up egg, thick cut bacon and bacon island dressing on a bacon pretzel bun.  Anna said it was everything you want a bacon burger to be.  I should hope so considering I’m sure the only reason everything on it didn’t have bacon was because the chickens died of heart attacks from the bacon-only diet they were fed before they could lay the eggs for the burger.  Joe enjoyed the burger and added that it was surprisingly, not over-bacon’ed.  Keep in mind Joe’s childhood nickname was “Twinkie” so make of that what you will.

Brad had the Peanut Butter and Jealousy, ground beef topped with thick cut bacon, creamy peanut butter and strawberry jelly on a honey wheat bun.  He felt the burger was lacking Peanut Butter and could’ve benefited from some good sharp cheddar.  He assured me more than once that he wasn’t stoned during our meal.  David ordered The Old Timey because he was the oldest person at the table and at 6:30pm, it was getting close to his bedtime.  The Old Timey is ground beef, American cheese, thick cut bacon, grilled onions, green leaf lettuce, tomato and 1000 island dressing on white brioche.  While he said the burger was okay, for him it was nothing unlike he could get elsewhere, just hugely portioned.

Joe “Bish” ordered the specialty burger of the month: Japanese pork Belly with coleslaw.  He loved it.  Melt-in-your-mouth rich, smooth and well partnered with the coleslaw.  Joe also enjoyed how easy it was to cut up and share, which he did with me because he’s demonstrated many times over the course of our 12-year friendship that he’s skilled at getting on my good side.  Damn tasty sandwich.  They should really add it to the main menu.  Kate ordered the create your own burger:  She crafted a 2/3 lb fried chicken (“The whole God damned hen house”-Kate) on white brioche with coleslaw, beer battered onion rings, thick cut bacon and barbecue sauce.  She named it “The Trailer Dweller’s Delight”.  It was huge.  Seriously.

 

At 6 months pregnant, Kate's soon-to-be Daughter is already entered in 3 competitive eating contests scheduled the week after her due date.

At 6 months pregnant, Kate’s soon-to-be Daughter is already entered in 3 competitive eating contests scheduled the week after her due date.

Ky also created her own burger:  50/50 patty on a brioche bun with Vampire dip (roasted garlic, cheese & artichoke), tomato, jalapeno, pickles, lettuce and garlic aioli.  She named the burger George and enjoyed eating him very much.  Lily Did not partake of a burger because she is a baby but she was able to wear a Brioche bun like a giant hat at the Kentucky Derby.  Did I mention the size of the food here?   Mandy created her own burger called “I’m Boring”.  It had lettuce and tomato on a beef patty.  She found it very flavorful despite the name she gave it.

Matt had his own creation, The “In my Mouth”: a 50/50 patty with bacon pretzel bun, Danish blue cheese, arugula, grilled onions and Slater’s signature Bacon ketchup.  Matt had been to Slater’s several times and deemed his creation “absolutely delicious”.  Stephanie created her own “Texas” burger: beef patty on brioche, baby greens, fresh salsa, roasted corn, black beans, avocado mash & cilantro sour cream.  A Slater’s veteran, she pointed out that they tend to cook mediums closer to rare so level up for desire done-ness.  She also mentioned that her toppings were a bit bland and could’ve benefited from a bit more seasoning.

Tomy created his own burger, “Kathryn”: 50/50 patty on bacon pretzel bun with vampire dip, baby greens, lettuce and Fritos.  He said it was tasty but “a bit much” size-wise.  He was one of a few people who contacted the following day to tell me their stomachs regretted their choices.  Ah, the dangers of building your own burger.  Caution is advised.

The side items seemed to be the real stand out.  Between everyone at the table we had Beer Cheese Fries (chili, beer cheese sauce, melted pepper jack cheese and jalapeños), Slater’s Fries (A canoe sized bowl) with bacon infused ketchup*, Sweet potato fries with pumpkin dipping sauce*, Mashed potato Mac n’ Cheese (Exactly what it sounds like but surprisingly light!).

*Highest overall marks of the night from all diners.

When our affable server, Matt, asked us if we were ready for dessert, we roared with laughter and then quickly stopped ourselves for fear of creating a flash flood of collective vomit.  We then waddled “March of the Penguins style” back to our cars, which were all now lower to the ground.

Overall this place was really great.  Bring your hungriest friends and get ready for some seriously big, but delicious, eats.

Further reading: https://slaters5050.com/