Of all the places in this challenge so far, Slater’s 50/50 has the been the place that the largest number of my friends and associates were shocked to learn I’d never been to. The intonation in their disbelief was similar to when I tell people I’ve never been outside the United States and they say “You’ve never been to Mexico?!” as though I had been there before but just refused to acknowledge it as a separate country. With so many of my friends familiar with Slater’s I came armed with a lot of knowledge and unsolicited opinions with which to guide the small army of friends I showed up with:
Aimee-Roommate since the 90’s, BFF, allergic to hot dogs and therefore labeled a commie by many
Anna-Educator, flannel wearer, still mad at us for going to Snooze without her
Brad-Rocky Horror performer, Fluent in most nerdisms, Still thinks Miley Cyrus is sexy
David-Technical writer, singer, robot super villian
Joe-Theatre and beer enthusiast, podcast co-host, Co-Creator of World’s Cutest Baby
Joe “Bish”-Computer wunderkind, Husband of Kate, a tall drink of water
Kate-Costume designer, Comedian, Once starred in a church rap video
Ky-Rocky Horror performer, Disneyland enthusiast, Roommate of Brad
Lily-World’s Cutest Baby (a Joe & Nicole production)
Mandy-Writer, Top-shelf level geek girl, lives in my pocket
Matt-My co-star in “Five Course Love”, Runner, Lover of beer
Stephanie-Blogger, runner, fellow Disneyland enthusiast
Tomy-Fashionista, Rocky Horror performer, an original Kathryn
If there were a dozen or so fewer of us you could see the giant bronze burger we are standing in front of.
The namesake burger of Slater’s 50/50 is crafted with 50% beef and 50% Bacon. Yeah, BACON. This, to me, was equal parts seductive and terrifying at the same time. It’s like if Bradley Cooper and Betty White put out a sex tape. Among the other bold and awesome factors to Slater’s was the fact that they boast over 100 microbrews on tap. I don’t even like beer and i’m impressed! Among some of the beers ordered were Matt’s Deschutes Mirror Pond Pale Ale & Stephanie’s Latitude 33, which they both loved. Slater’s also offers the opportunity to create and name your own burger, which several folks opted to do. As for me, I felt crafting my own burger wouldn’t really be giving Slater’s a fair shake at seeing what they offer from their menu so I went with the “World’s Greatest Turkey Burger”. It’s topped with smoked gouda, baby greens, red onions, a portobello mushroom cap and creamy pesto sauce on a honey wheat bun. When it arrived, I learned the other trademark of Slater’s 50/50: Cartoonishly large food.
I now know what it’s like to have a sloppy make-out session with Audrey II.
While there was much confusion with exactly how I was supposed to eat this, I made do. I took at least 2 bites before asking our server for a shovel and a rake. This was a damn tasty burger. Well cooked and juicy. The gouda added a great sharpness and the honey wheat bun was a really nice change up from the usual sesame seed buns I eat at McDonald’s other fine establishments.
Our appetizers and main courses arrived at the same time, not that I’m complaining. It was all going to the same place: the stomachs of 14 ambitious burger lovers. I ordered a combo plate of Fried Mac & Cheese Balls with Tapatio Ranch and Beer Bettered Jalapenos with cilantro Lime sour cream. Enormous, fried, soul-hugging goodness.
Sized for sharing. with a baseball team.
Naturally, with so much food I was going to need to wash it all down somehow. Enter the Almond Joy Milkshake! The selection of Milkshakes at Slater’s 50/50 is redonk like whoa (meant in the best possible way). I took the most time deciding what kind I wanted. When you’re a late 30’s Diabetic, drinking ALL of them isn’t an option anymore so you pick and choose your moments with the utmost care. It was of course, the best sex you’ve ever had served in ice cream form.
Aimee had the Graceland Milkshake (Peanut butter and banana, RIP king) and the Frito’s Crunch Burger, ground beef patty topped with melted cheddar cheese, house made chili, Fritos and 1000 island dressing on white brioche. She said the burger was really good with a nice, but controlled spice on the chili. Anna and Joe both ordered the B’B’B’ Bacon Burger, the lauded 50/50 patty with bacon American cheese, sunny side up egg, thick cut bacon and bacon island dressing on a bacon pretzel bun. Anna said it was everything you want a bacon burger to be. I should hope so considering I’m sure the only reason everything on it didn’t have bacon was because the chickens died of heart attacks from the bacon-only diet they were fed before they could lay the eggs for the burger. Joe enjoyed the burger and added that it was surprisingly, not over-bacon’ed. Keep in mind Joe’s childhood nickname was “Twinkie” so make of that what you will.
Brad had the Peanut Butter and Jealousy, ground beef topped with thick cut bacon, creamy peanut butter and strawberry jelly on a honey wheat bun. He felt the burger was lacking Peanut Butter and could’ve benefited from some good sharp cheddar. He assured me more than once that he wasn’t stoned during our meal. David ordered The Old Timey because he was the oldest person at the table and at 6:30pm, it was getting close to his bedtime. The Old Timey is ground beef, American cheese, thick cut bacon, grilled onions, green leaf lettuce, tomato and 1000 island dressing on white brioche. While he said the burger was okay, for him it was nothing unlike he could get elsewhere, just hugely portioned.
Joe “Bish” ordered the specialty burger of the month: Japanese pork Belly with coleslaw. He loved it. Melt-in-your-mouth rich, smooth and well partnered with the coleslaw. Joe also enjoyed how easy it was to cut up and share, which he did with me because he’s demonstrated many times over the course of our 12-year friendship that he’s skilled at getting on my good side. Damn tasty sandwich. They should really add it to the main menu. Kate ordered the create your own burger: She crafted a 2/3 lb fried chicken (“The whole God damned hen house”-Kate) on white brioche with coleslaw, beer battered onion rings, thick cut bacon and barbecue sauce. She named it “The Trailer Dweller’s Delight”. It was huge. Seriously.
At 6 months pregnant, Kate’s soon-to-be Daughter is already entered in 3 competitive eating contests scheduled the week after her due date.
Ky also created her own burger: 50/50 patty on a brioche bun with Vampire dip (roasted garlic, cheese & artichoke), tomato, jalapeno, pickles, lettuce and garlic aioli. She named the burger George and enjoyed eating him very much. Lily Did not partake of a burger because she is a baby but she was able to wear a Brioche bun like a giant hat at the Kentucky Derby. Did I mention the size of the food here? Mandy created her own burger called “I’m Boring”. It had lettuce and tomato on a beef patty. She found it very flavorful despite the name she gave it.
Matt had his own creation, The “In my Mouth”: a 50/50 patty with bacon pretzel bun, Danish blue cheese, arugula, grilled onions and Slater’s signature Bacon ketchup. Matt had been to Slater’s several times and deemed his creation “absolutely delicious”. Stephanie created her own “Texas” burger: beef patty on brioche, baby greens, fresh salsa, roasted corn, black beans, avocado mash & cilantro sour cream. A Slater’s veteran, she pointed out that they tend to cook mediums closer to rare so level up for desire done-ness. She also mentioned that her toppings were a bit bland and could’ve benefited from a bit more seasoning.
Tomy created his own burger, “Kathryn”: 50/50 patty on bacon pretzel bun with vampire dip, baby greens, lettuce and Fritos. He said it was tasty but “a bit much” size-wise. He was one of a few people who contacted the following day to tell me their stomachs regretted their choices. Ah, the dangers of building your own burger. Caution is advised.
The side items seemed to be the real stand out. Between everyone at the table we had Beer Cheese Fries (chili, beer cheese sauce, melted pepper jack cheese and jalapeños), Slater’s Fries (A canoe sized bowl) with bacon infused ketchup*, Sweet potato fries with pumpkin dipping sauce*, Mashed potato Mac n’ Cheese (Exactly what it sounds like but surprisingly light!).
*Highest overall marks of the night from all diners.
When our affable server, Matt, asked us if we were ready for dessert, we roared with laughter and then quickly stopped ourselves for fear of creating a flash flood of collective vomit. We then waddled “March of the Penguins style” back to our cars, which were all now lower to the ground.
Overall this place was really great. Bring your hungriest friends and get ready for some seriously big, but delicious, eats.
Further reading: https://slaters5050.com/
The Boy Who Ate San Diego 